msh30:

team i can’t do math for shit but i can write a 3 page english paper in less than an hour 

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So my professor was asking questions.
  • Professor: Who plans on getting married within the next 5-10 years?
  • Like 3 people: *raises hand*
  • Professor: Who plans on never getting married?
  • Me: *raises hand*
  • Professor: *points me out* why?
  • Me: It's illegal.
  • Professor: touche.
I would love to say
that you
make me
weak in the knees
but
to be quite upfront
and completely
truthful
you
make my body
forget
it has knees
at all.

Tyler Knott Gregson, Love Language (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

fwips:

when you call in to work and your coworker answers the phone in their peppy work voice then realizes its you and goes back to sounding just as dead inside as you are

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